Week 13 in the NFL involved a lot of tight matchups. At one point, late in the 4th quarters of each respective Sunday 1 pm game, there were six one-score games! No surprise with some great marquee matchups, including Atlanta Falcons vs. Minnesota Vikings, Dallas Cowboys vs. Washington Redskins, New Orleans Saints vs. Carolina Panthers and Seattle Seahawks vs. Philadelphia Eagles (Sunday Night Football). We even saw the Oilers Bowl: Tennessee Titans vs. Houston Texans!

Bye Weeks are OVAH! The players celebrated by sporting fancy, NHL goalie-like cleats to support their favorite charity. In actuality, “Warden” Goodell mandated they could ONLY be worn if supporting a charity as a means to control what the players were already doing. Kinda agree, kinda disagree… so I’ll lean towards disagree because Roger Goodell is as big of a fucking scumbag as this guy!

The old Silverdome in Detroit proved tougher than anyone might have thought. The attempt to implode the stadium, that has stood since 1975, didn’t go as planned. The dentenations went off, but, nothing happened! One construction official says it will collapse; they’ll just have to wait and let gravity do its job. Silverdome didn’t implode, because it was used to that happening at 1 pm on Sundays! Aight, enough jibba-jabba, let’s get to it… NFL Week 13 Wrap-Up.


Thursday Night Football saw the Cowboys take on the team from Washington to stay alive in the NFC playoff hunt. The loser would be morally eliminated from contention, while the winner would stay alive as a clear second to the Philadelphia Eagles in the NFC East… we’ll talk about them later! Still not a cohesive unit without their chainmover, aka Ezekiel Elliott, Dak Prescott (11/22-102-2; 5-28), Alfred Morris (27-127-1) and the Dallas offense stepped up for playoff survival (6-6). Believe it or not, it was Dallas’ defense winning the turnover battle (2 FR, 2 INT) and attacking a decimated Washington O-line (four sacks) which made the difference. Kirk Cousins (26/37-251-2) played well enough to win, yet the Skins fall to 5-7.

Sticking with the Cowboys for a tick (yeah, yeah, save your groans till the end of the article), Ryan “Don’t Call Me Barry” Switzer is something special. The 5′ 8″, 185 lbs Special Team WR out of North Carolina has blazing speed and displayed it on a 83-yard punt return TD. Also blessed with a fine set of hands, I can see Switzer becoming the next great slot receiver. Maybe we SHOULD call him Barry, as in Allen from the “League of Justice!” #DELETE

The Best TD Celebration Award for Week 13 is a tie:

The #RavensFlock had a teammate tug of war…

Baltimore Ravens crush the Detroit Lions 44-20.

Jacksonville Jaguars rookie Leonard Fournette scored a touchdown… and-1 with the free throw!

#Sacksonville cruises to a 30-10 win over the Indianapolis Colts.

Vikings/Falcons was as advertised and lived up to the bill; what an amazing, defensive game, finishing 14-9 in favor of the Vikes! Adam Thielen recorded his 21st third down reception for a first down – 2nd most in NFL (Keenan Allen). Dan Quinn, let me ask you something: How the fuck do you burn all three timeouts before the 4-minute mark to try and stop the Vikes from icing the game? You set up that shit to happen prematurely like a 17-year-old going to prom with a pornstar (See ‘The Girl Next Door’ if you haven’t already… You’re Welcome!)

Jamaal Williams (21-113-1) had himself a day, proving just how underrated the BYU product was with the 134th pick (4th Round) in the 2017 NFL Draft. Yet Aaron Jones, returning to game action, stole the show with a 20-yard TD run to cap off an eight play, 72-yard drive in ooooh-ver-time, giving the Green Bay Packers the victory over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 26-20. If the Pack can stay in the playoff hunt, Mr. Aaron Rodgers can be back in two weeks. . . FUCK!

Saints/Panthers was a barn burner as expected. Alvin Kamara (9-60-2; 5-66) is a flat out stud… go ahead and engrave his name on the RoY trophy. Very rarely do you see a player go above and beyond his collegiate performance at the pro level. Maybe this explains why Butch Jones is out as Volunteers’ head coach! Mark Ingram and Kamara are currently on pace to have 1,500 yards from scrimmage… EACH! That has never happened in the NFL. Saints win 31-21.

Josh Gordon was out on the gridiron for the first time since December 21st, 2014, thanks to not being able to put down the pipe. He straight balled, picking up right where he left off (4-85; 11 targets). During the game, I had flashbacks to the days where I would rip a bong hit for every Flash Gordon TD on my fantasy team.

In the useless game of the day, Robbie Gould struck 5 FGs against his former club to give the San Francisco 49ers a 15-14 victory. REVENGE GAME! Can you have a revenge game with a kicker? Gould has thanked the Chicago Bears for releasing him, as it caused the kicker to do some soul-searching and work harder to improve his game. Do kickers even have a game? Jimmy Garoppolo had game!

Other Headlines:

Week 13 marked a somber (or joyous, depending on your perspective) event in the NFL. For the first time since 1997, no Manning was starting at QB. The message was delivered very poorly from Ben McAdoo to Eli Manning; this was the final nail in the McAdoo coffin of poor communication with his players. He was officially fired at the time of writing this article. The Mara’s could no longer wait till the offseason as they would have preferred since NO Giants HC had been fired in season until now. A year ago, McAdoo was in the running for Coach of the Year… now fired. Steve Spagnuolo will serve as interim coach. John Mara cleaned house by also firing GM Jerry Reese (been with organization since 1994; GM since 2007). Side note: New York Giants lose to Oakland Raiders 24-17.

Jay Cutler (18/31-235-2; 2 INTs) played like he was in a hurry to get back to Kristin and his pack of Parliaments. Miami Dolphins still romped thanks to the defense (three points allowed, three sacks, three interception, two safeties, one touchdown, a blocked kick and a partridge in a pear tree). The simple fact is Denver has no QB. Will we see Manning, Part Deux in Mile High? Probably not, but could see a reunion with Tom Coughlin in Jacksonville because Blake Bortles Sucks – mandatory to mention in every NFL Wrap-Up article.

Jared Goff (21/31-220-2) and company continued to roll out in the desert, defeating the Arizona Cardinals 32-16. Todd Gurley had 154 APY and Greg Zuerlein nailed 4 FGs.

Gronk is Savage AF – not only for his stats (9-147), but when Buffalo Bills rookie CB Tre’Davious White was touched down after a 2nd half INT, Rob Gronkowski dropped a late-hit elbow like the Dirtiest Player in the Game… WOOOOOOO!

Kansas City Chiefs are clearly on self-destruct mode, losing their 4th straight vs. the J, E, T, S, Jets Jets Jets. Marcus Peters chucked a yellow hanky into the stands after disagreeing with a referee’s ruling… I’ve seen delay of games with the ball being hoisted into the stands, but never seen a flag. He may have been ejected and steaming mad, but definitely #Ballin!


Our NFL Week 13 Wrap-up would not be complete without Sunday Night Football’s dissection. Coming into the game, Philadelphia had not allowed a 1st quarter touchdown in their first 11 games… the first team to do so since the Giants (2002). That streak was narrowly snapped by a Jimmy Graham (3-26-1) TD with :10 left on the clock. Only Earl Thomas remained from the Legion of Boom, with Kam Chancellor OUT for the game and Richard Sherman on I.R., but the Hawks still have two gorgeous LBs in K.J. Wright and Bobby Wagner. The tandem made life very uncomfortable for Carson Wentz (29/45-348-1; 1 INT, 2 FUM/1 FL, 3 SKs) with lots of blitz packages. Didn’t help matters when Zach Ertz left the game in the 3rd quarter with a head injury (see below) and did not return.

Russell Wilson’s 4th quarter passing numbers this season are out of this fucking world! Here are his numbers through Week 12: 70.8 COMP%, 973 yards, 14 TD (T-2nd Most in NFL History), 1 INT and a passer rating of 134.9 (would be highest in NFL since Joe Montana in 1989). DangeRuss continued this trend Sunday night: 5/6, 55 yards, 1 TD. He’s a far cry from MVP frontrunners Tom Brady and Prince Wentz, but he’s definitely in the conversation. In the end, the 12th man, bad calls and missed opportunities hurt the Birds, as they suffer only their 2nd loss on the season 24-10. Seahawks (8-4) firm up their grip on a Wild Card spot, leaping over the Panthers for the 5th seed.


Tyrod Taylor suffered a patellar tendon contusion in his knee during the club’s Week 13 loss to the New England Patriots, per the team’s official website. Taylor was injured on the first snap from scrimmage, but fought through the pain until the injury forced him to be carted off the field in the fourth quarter.

Prognosis: Coach Sean McDermott confirmed Taylor did not have ligament damage, but will be day-to-day heading into Sunday’s clash with the Colts. He also said, “Taylor would start if healthy enough for the playoff-hopeful Bills (6-6).”

Fantasy Impact: Many of you, like me, swooped up Tyrod as an insurance policy for the fantasy playoffs since Buffalo’s schedule is DELIGHTFUL (vs. IND, 28th Pass DVOA; vs. MIA, 31st P-DVOA; @ NE, 25th P-DVOA). If Tyrod does need to give way to Nathan Peterman (UCK!), Joe Flacco (7% owned) and Blaine Gabbert (10% owned) are some options to look at (I have claims on both and only a strong confirmation of Tyrod’s availability will cause me to cancel them. If Bills lose in Week 14, he’s done for the season).

Other Injury News

Matthew Stafford (Throwing Hand): no broken bones!
Hunter Henry (Leg/Knee)
Zach Ertz (Concussion): Now must pass through the NFL’s concussion protocol. His chances of playing next week against the Rams are 50/50, at best. If he’s out, Trey Burton would become an intriguing sleeper.
Tre’Davious White (Concussion)

For up-to-date NFL injury news on these players and more, click here.


Taking care of business week in and week out. #CARvsNO

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Jamaal Williams (21-113-1; 2-10)
Leonard Fournette (20-57-1; 3-22)
Christian McCaffrey (6-16; 5-33-1)
Tarik Cohen (2-5; 4-39; 61-yard punt return TD)
Tion Green (11-51-1)
DeShone Kizer (15/32-215-1; 5-46)
Keelan Cole (3-49-1)
Dede Westbrook (6-78)
Trent Taylor (6-92)
Evan Engram (7-99-1)
David Njoku (4-74-1)


NFL Stat Leaders


Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cincinnati Bengals (Paul Brown Stadium, 8:30 EST): One last marquee matchup rounds out NFL Week 13. The injury status of Antonio Brown (toe) headlines this game and the interests of many eager fantasy owners/DFS Mon-Thurs players. Some say he should sit vs. the lowly Bengals (5-6); while others, like perennial scumbag Vontaze Burfict, say he’s a faker (i.e. “faked” a concussion two years ago). Assuming Brown plays, the Bengals are no match for one of the best teams in the NFL. These division games are usually close, hard-hitting affairs and the Bengals have won two straight, but I expect the Steelers to win going away 27-13.

Betting Info:
Steelers -4.5 O/U 43 (Take the Steelers with the under)
Vegas Team Totals: PIT – 23.75, CIN – 19.25

Fantasy Projections: If Brown plays, he’s a must start in leagues, but I would fade in DFS for chance of reinjury or pitch count. JuJu Smith-Schuster’s full practices signal he should be good to go and that’s who I would play in his stead for DFS or that Monday Night Miracle (also look Brandon Lafell in leagues). Steelers D is a nice GPP play, while Le’Veon Bell is a preferred play in all formats (especially on FanDuel @ $8,700). As for the Bengals, Joe Mixon is a sweet play in GPPs ($6,800 on FD), as he played a season/career high in snaps (78%) and received 26 touches for 5 YPC in a tough matchup last week. A.J. Green has to be played in leagues, but bear in mind, he has been held to 5-79 over his last two games against the Steelers (7th Pass DVOA). Primetime matchup… get your popcorn ready Ochocinco!